Rules for a First Date: I actually send this out first

Sometimes seemingly simple questions have oddly complex answers. To answer basic questions, we have to tell more than we are prepared to tell and the listener has to hear more than he or she is prepared to handle (and maybe isn’t trustworthy enough to know in the first place). Everyone should be allowed the dignity of bringing their freest self to a first date: they shouldn’t feel compelled to disclose each and every struggle they have endured since dating was the most natural thing in the world. So for a first date, conversation should be confined to the following:

• Eras: birth through whatever job you were in when you turned 30; This Includes all periods of education (college experiences earn extra points)

• Relationships: birth parents through whoever you were with when you turned 30; can include all dates from the past 6 months; no talk of exes of significance (unless it’s awkward NOT to)

• Hobbies, Past Vacations, Adventures, Live Music Witnessed, Any of Jennifer’s Games, Basic Questions, Strange Family Members Growing Up

• TRY TO AVOID: tragedies, divorces, exes of significance, even children, financial struggles, major “failures” or major achievements, career struggles (just take it to aged 30), health struggles (if you can get to aged 30 with no problems, just take it there or leave them alone), and deaths

All of these topics are important; but we didn’t carry all this baggage into our college relationships because we didn’t really have any back then. I want to have fun with someone and I want to be able to be the most authentic version of myself in the process – because she is the most fun one to be with! I think we confuse being transparent (sharing information) with being authentic (being true to who we were made to be). And on a first date, we shouldn’t have to feel exposed by sharing every secret right away.

June, 2021

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