Upon Contemplating a Second Marriage, 5/2014

“Am I Really, Really, REALLY Going To Do This Again?”

So many newly engaged or married couples talk about the husband’s “crazy ex-wife”.  This not only defies logic (how’d these same women become sane so quickly in order to marry again?), but it takes the focus off the mistakes we made in the past and dooms us to make them again.  So I think it’s normal to consider a second marriage with equal parts expectancy and caution.  I like that in the impending union on my horizon, we don’t blame our prior spouses for our past failures.  We look to our own contributions to those failures, and how we now relate to each other in this new relationship.  Most of all, we ask our Holy Father for grace, grace, and more grace to create a relationship that is pleasing to Him.

All this doesn’t mean I don’t have concerns.  Looking at 2nd marriage statistics ALONE admonishes that I “get [me] to a nunnery”, and fast!  Then there’s the seemingly impossible task of joining one’s relatives, resources, IRAs, emotional baggage, health conditions, and place of residence in middle age.  Add taste, furniture, and ART WORK on top if it all, and simple “dating” starts to sound good again!!

But I’ve been blessed to stumble across someone who loves me from his deepest place, who is willing to compromise on many of those difficult issues, and – most of all – is willing to put up with ME! I know I’m friendly and intelligent still pretty hot at 47 (hey, I’m trying to be objective here!).

But what’s also true is that I am NOT the easiest person to be married to. I hate going to the grocery store; but he doesn’t. I despise cooking; he happens to be very good at it. I’m a two-time breast cancer survivor; he doesn’t care. If anything, he’s proud of me. So as I told family earlier this week, this love of mine has seen me in the muck, and his response has been to help me out. But he’s not just a “fixer”: when the time comes – and it’s coming – he’ll also be content to sit back and watch me soar. That’s love, I think. (2014)

DAMN, WAS I EVER WRONG…Again! Divorced in 2016.

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