My Introduction on a Discord group about being an ENFP

My name is Jennifer, and I’ve been taking the Myers-Briggs for over 25 years trying to get the correct results- but I kept coming out as an ENFP. I think we are chameleons and that’s why I didn’t believe my results. I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma and chaos in my life, and my enneagram (new to me) says I’m a 4 with a 3 wing. I’m not really sure what that means, but I like Joyce’s YouTube content and that’s why I’m here. I wasn’t able to have children, so I’ve not had that grounding influence in my life that grows up many ENFPs, but I feel like my traumas have more than qualified me as a deep person. I hate to hear ENFPs are shallow because we’re anything but! In fact. I feel like I’m condemned to life in the Deep End, so I only enter the Shallow to catch my breath.

By the way, the attached photo is of bald (thank you, Taxol) 39-year-old Jennifer in one of her “chemo wigs.” She’s trying to laugh and be a good sport about it all, but she’s really hurting inside (and it’s not the port under the skin in her vena cava that hurts).

Sadly, she’s so busy fighting, she’s really out of touch with her feelings. How I wish I could warn her she needs to process these strong emotions, but it wouldn’t do any good. I honestly think she didn’t know the best words to use, so she suffered in silence, even though she was technically married to Jeff at the time. He divorced her soon after, despite a brief reconciliation after her first breast reconstruction surgery, so I think we can go ahead and say his heart wasn’t “in it” at this time. She knew the truth of this all the way down to her bone marrow.

Jeff was always traveling for work and was never around, so Jennifer drove herself to her chemo and radiation appointments. She also drove back home again, alone, arriving at an empty house after each session.

How can you blame her for her failures? Who could survive so much heartache and betrayal – because you know this was just the start – and emerge unscathed? WHO, I want an ANSWER, damnit! WHO???!

I’m so sorry, Jennifer. I know you think you shouldn’t Be Here Today because others you knew and loved are Gone. But that’s NOT your fault! Why won’t you let it go? Why do you keep punishing yourself like this!!?? You MUST stop or you will get sick again. You know how that happens with you. You are alive and THIS is your time❣️ Step in and embrace the joy already!! Relax. Have fun. GET OFF THAT FUCKING CROSS NOW!!

I’m coming to peel you down, pull out those nails, and trust me: it won’t be pretty! I honestly don’t know why you do such stupid things and think such stupid thoughts! You’re like the priest in The Scarlet Letter (you read it in the tenth grade) who self-flagellates. Only crazy, GUILTY people sit around feeling sorry for themselves all day! What in God’s name is WRONG WITH YOU!!??

Welcome to 5 minutes in my Head. I try to be nice to myself, but I literally can’t. Myself punishes Myself too much to be happy, but loves Myself too much to subject Myself to physical pain. So I’m Here Whether It’s Pleasant Or Not. Physical pain is avoided because we’ve already dealt with that, had our share of that. and are done with that. So STAY AWAY, PHYSICAL PAIN!! We’ve got enough of YOU HERE!!

Psychic pain is Jennifer’s ancestor-approved, ancestor-generated specialty, however, so she’s quite adroit at inflicting it upon herself. She’s quite the Unyielding Bitch if we’re not mincing words: Life would be so much better if she LEFT US ALONE!

Unfortunately, that’s not currently possible, so we have to mute her. It’s all we can do if we want to have any fun.

Does anyone have any duct tape?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s