AMUSEMENT RIDES FOR YOU, US, ME, & WE
THE GLAD SHATTER.
It shakes, rattles, and rolls with its golden spinning she-cups.
THE PIRATE SHIP
It Pens and Writes with stomach-spurning Quips, Flips, and Plundering of All Other Nearby Ships. Frequent riders are at risk of losing a leg and developing a heavy drinking problem.
Zooms you there, leaves you there, harangues you there, and hangs you there.
This ride feels warm, comfortable and non-threatening. It’s all an illusion, though, because it costs a fortune, which we had to steal from The Pirate Ship. This was our rotten, most costly option. It provides momentary thrills of exhilaration-representation, ultimately and finally marred by the backbreaking burden of heavy taxation. It’s an AWFUL TIME for those who Find themselves aligned by their inspection of this ride’s “roundness” perfection, and it’s subject to terrible karaoke infections. It couldn’t sing in key even if key-singing WASN’T free! Best to try it before you buy it.
THE GIRLFRIEND EXPERIENCE
The Ride begins when Someone’s Girlfriend (she could be yours, she could be someone else’s) blindfolds you, gags you, ties you up, and yells at you. She promises certain things, threatens to withhold certain things. She gets herself into such a lather, this ride can last upwards of an hour, but you can sleep through it, and it’s not as if you’ll rue it, especially if it’s been a long day and you’re used to being yelled at that way.
A broken-down ride, underneath a Giant Bough’s shadow, it ascetically hides, cooling an oasis place where you can cave, be dumb smart or brave. It’s all okay at THE CAVEAT.
Don’t let its Entryway fool you! It is DEFINITELY the sparkling emerald in our crown! I personally feel it’s the ride with the kindest, won’t-rob-you-blindness, most sensitive of malignest hearts. This kind of welcome sets it apart. You’ll be glad you stopped by, glad you poured in, and glad you soared in; glad you shined highly and eye-squinting brightly, inside and outside the CaveAt.
I’m 100% certain you’ll deem it, redeem it, and re-redeem it as The Best Ride from The Very FIRST Ride (which, please recall, was at the start).
As a matter of fact, you’ll be so Enrapt once laying hands on The Caveat (because trust me: SHE’S where the SERIOUS fun is at), I will literally guarantee THIS is the only ride you’ll repeatedly test, repeatedly practice, repeatedly drive, and repeatedly hope you’ll repeatedly ride. Or repeatedly drive.
This simple choice is up to you, but I know what you want to do.
Which is the first ride YOU hope rides YOU to the Moon and back to await the Neon Explosion High in the Twinkling Sparkling Sky? It may surprise to find my rides actually awaiting YOU!
I don’t like to make a fuss, but it takes at least two to combust, so if you want a long, exquisite dance and would like to be tricked into a trance, you should book in advance. If you’re content to PUSH your luck, just show up on The Day Of (but I’m NOT impressed by men underdressed; you weren’t prepared, so you won’t be spared my withering glare).
Were it me, at least hypothetically? I would NEVER chance it; wouldn’t risk the chance that I could miss The Best Park Ride of My Whole Life.
Since I like to dance, I enhance ALL My Amusements and ALL My Rides with real opportunities for Growth. When you park with me, while you’re asleep, I’ll steal your heart, bleed it, feed it, warm it, hold it, and own it. But you won’t know, your eyes will shine with the glow of “know”, but notice; you’ll be too busy thriving and aliving with too-delayed-so-now-I’ll-play vitality, you’ll never know I let your blood. You didn’t need it very much, I paid you back with so much lust, look how you thrive! You’re HIGH ALIVE!
At my Magical Kingdom, I rode you so high, you kissed the sky, but the stars held tight, and it felt so right. Then you grabbed into my bag or my box (the rides tend to blur into a frenzy when it’s dark) to uncover and discover the tiny piece of precious Me I carved with stars straight from my still-beating heart.
SEALED INSIDE MY WRAPPED AND GIFTED BOX ARE:
One of my magic zings,
One of my special sparks,
A cleverly-written song (without the musical parts),
Lyrically wrapped in a bow by my Mushy but Saucy Brain and my Much-too-Colorful (but sexy and wonderful) everestly glamorously gorgeous and courageous-like I haven’t seen in ages Lushly Luxy Heart.
AMUSEMENT RIDES FOR YOU, US, ME, & WE