I let a member of The Goonies into my house,
A real ET: The Extra Terrestrial.
He thought he was a Casanova,
But he never rocked me From Here To Eternity.
I was my typical American Beauty,
But he was a Changeling,
Somehow changing into A [VERY] Dark Knight along the way.
For starters, he was always Up In The Air, only available at Zero Dark Thirty, and then, very rarely!
When I was in The Hurt Locker,
He wouldn’t Stand By Me.
Juno I tried to track down The Departed?
He was always Lost In Translation.
So, I made a decision while Flirting With Disaster to start “The Conversation”:
A one-way confessional, like he was a priest in Constantine or some similar tripe.
I walked The Green Mile, trying to pull off The Conjuring of this Jarhead!
But HE was a deadhead, turning ME
Into a Black Swan stuck in The Matrix instead,
With a plug sprouting in my head!
It was like Friday The 13th meets Nightmare on Elm Street,
Encased In Shutter Island!
Why? Siri and other She-Bops and Her-twats started stalking this Single White Female who was merely looking for A Few Good Men,
Ensnaring me in a Winter’s Bone Misery based on Pulp Fiction!
I’ve appealed to The Godfather and John Wicks 1 and 2,
But it was just A Requiem For A Dream,
Since neither The Shining nor Sherlock Holmes offered any clues to The Alien’s identity.
So I’m stuck in an Apocalypse Now on Thanksgiving Day like it’s Groundhog Day!
I’d rather be Finding Nemo in a Gran Torino,
Or go Back To The Future,
But I’ve Ben-HurT, Castaway, and not even kept as a Memento!
I’d like to Kill Bill, Tom, Dick and Jane or Jerry,
But since I know I’m As Good As It Gets, and that I possess A Beautiful Mind and a Hotbody,
I won’t sweat this Fatal Attraction
and Failure To Launch of this relationshit not even worthy of The Breakup!
Because when you’ve been Ghost-ed and you don’t want “to be ignored”,
The Haunting works in reverse.
It’s no Independence Day!
It’s called karma: or Judgment Day.
Watch out, not-a-Braveheart!
I’m planning my own group of The Searchers To Catch A Thief.
We’re prepared to Rope you down, but we’ll gladly go on a Texas Chainsaw Massacre to reap Vengeance.
See You Soon!