JUST A STUPID GIRL

I’m just a stupid girl,
Naive, clueless and lost,
Old and covered in frost.
One minute I was in my own whirl,
The next I bled into your world.
I don’t know how and I don’t know why: I only know YOUR world’s not MINE.

Your insistence on random rules
Marked me as an indelible fool.
I bent the shape of my mind to trust
What You Said at the time.
Stupid me is Stupid blind;
For some stupid reason,
I can’t hear your stupid lies!
I know I’m a big fat dunce,
But would you please, just this once,
Find IT in YOU to explain to ME
WHAT defines “TRUE”?
At least to YOU?

The Truth would be the perfect key
To un-puzzle and set me free,
But I don’t think you’d waste a
Single Key on a secret door like Me.

I’ve looked, high, low, and all around
There, but the clear sound of truth is
NOWHERE to be found There.
Maybe you think I don’t deserve it,
That I haven’t earned it?

I wish I’d never over-indulged
Nor over-divulged.

It’s true I played the Biggest Fool,
But at least I still Recognize Truth!
You withhold and guard,
Won’t Others-relieve with
What You won’t release.
It’s not a “strenuous try,” so I opine
About the reasons behind
Your refusal to clarify
The cognitive dissonance
Which boggles my mind and
Equates to Zero Sense.
You may have abilities to
Compartmentalize fragilities,
But I don’t and can’t,
So I won’t, and I shan’t.

It’s all moot, I’ve already died;
I’m only speaking shite when I mime:
“Go On and Good-Bye”, and
“How I wish You hadn’t lied!”
For it requires a bigger fool than I
To delude, feign, and deny
That I’M the One YOU’VE deceived
And YOU’RE the One I trust-believed!

I realize “WE” and “IT” were
Micro-short and Dirty-quick,
But it still makes me queasy-sick
And gut-punches me to think
YOU bought ME so tacky-cheap,
Ignoring my pleas and ignoring Me
Into Withering, Weeping, Willowy Heaps.

So if At The End or All Along,
To think for ME, YOU never longed,
Nor ever longed to sit beside
Slays me, strays me, and betrays me,
Not to mention excruciates me,
The Very Most of all.