To be with you,
I have to be alone.
If I need a hug when “I’m with you,”
Or I need any other physical touch,
I have to touch myself.
Eating a meal out “with you” is a
Meal eaten Out BUT alone.
Films we watch “together,”
I watch by myself.
And since no one knows about you, me,
Or the fractional entity of “us,”
I only communicate with you WHEN ALONE,
Videotaping one-sided conversations,
And posting the clips so
YOU can watch when YOUR Time Permits,
Which is never “Now” but always “Later.”

And you may indeed be insane,
But I’m certainly insaner!
If I want any answers from you,
I have to ask binary questions:
Yes or no? This or that? Pass or Fail? Like or Hate?
All so you won’t have to lift more than one finger
While I’m secretly crossing mine you’ll answer.
If I’m sad when I’m “with you,
I cry alone, tears saturating my entire home.
And should I find myself in a pesky way which requires comfort,
I must first learn how, then comfort myself.
With you, if I desperately need an evening of distraction,
I have to distract myself and,
At the end of the day,
It’s an evening alone at home, everyway.

Being with you” means I spend more time imagining than I do fondly enjoying or remembering
Our (unshared) past,
Our (nonexistent) future plans,
Our (zero) current concerns, and
Our present (absence of) victories.
Worse, since none of these life-shaping things or events take place or ever occurred in Reality,
I constantly question Reality,
To the extent “Home Alone with You
Is virtually indistinguishable from
Home Alone with Me.”
I’d actually yell at you to
“Leave Me The Hell Alone!”
If I hadn’t been Alone all along.

What a lonely song!
What a lonely dance!
I long to listen to music,
But I now make it for myself;
I wrote it by and for myself
In my signature style of Alone.
I’ve found I prefer its sound and tone
To the tune of “Being With You.
It’s less confusing, and I’ve become Even MORE amusing to Myself!

Where, how, in what color, and with whom?
That would be “Alone” on all counts,
And I’m the Only One who counts,
So by all accounts,
I’m better off Alone.

2 thoughts on “ME TIME: ALONE

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