POEMS ARE EASY

Painting of You

LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY

Writing poems is easy.
You start with an IQ,
You think a thought or two,
Then, once struck by Luck,
(The waiting is the worst part)
You capture one before it actually exits.
Now I know that part sounds easy,
But it’s just the starting point;
And think how often you change your mind!

So you take these few mundane thoughts,
And your brain must be damaged
“Just Precisely So”
You only CAN think mundane thoughts,
But you CAN phrase them in an
I’ll be damned! fairly clever way!

Meanwhile, you must skillfully and simultaneously juggle
At least FOUR of the following literary devices:
Metaphor (he’s the lead character in Poetry)
Simile (vice-president)
Idioms
Wordplay (a personal favorite)
Sarcasm (a LIFE favorite)
Irony (my life’s Reality)
Parody (often confused with Reality)
Alliteration
Intentional Factual Inaccuracy
Selective Capitalization
•Cliche (Avoid! Same shit, same way!)
•Allegory
•Dystopian Future
, and
Sentimental Memory (must be clouded by distorted past events).

But we’re just warming up!

Once you’ve translated your original two thoughts
Into a poem, using the skills listed above,
You must dip the poem in a
Rich coating of Hyperbole,
Fourteen times,
Backwards AND Forwards,
As well as “sprinkled lightly with”
And “threaded throughout.”

If any of this makes sense to you,
And equally-skilled are you,
Or even NOT,
(One can make virtually ANYTHING sound poetic),
Then you, too, can write poems and
A Poet Laureate are You!

Screenshot Yesterday: The Violent Wrath of Math

39/43? Are you kidding me?

SCREENSHOT YESTERDAY:
The Violent Wrath of Math

Can someone explain the
Probability of this to me,
At least Statistically?
I’d even be satisfied by a technicality
Like “Merely Mathematically.”

Besides the Disgraceful Numbers,
Low, humble, and pathetic,
(Which, consequently,
Can turn me poetically ascetic),

These confounding calcs don’t calculate.
Instead they mystify and Intergerically defy
By making insequential numbers.

For even “Can’t-be-budgeted I”
Knows the Numerator is ALWAYS
Higher than the Denominator,
Unless a Simple Fraction
Is all YOU’RE after
AND your sole attraction,
Which you’ve never claimed before
As your most Primary Motivator.

If you’d ever been to class
I’d try and I’d grasp
To make any sense of you,
But I can’t so I’m null and voiding you;
It’s simply what I must do
To re-equate my Sanity
And return me to my Poetry.

PROCRASTINATION OF POETRY

PROCRASTINATION OF POETRY

Yesterday, I tried to swallow my need for immediate gratification as long as humanly possible by NOT posting Absolutely Everything I Wrote as soon as I wrote it.

The portion size was approximately one fully-composed-though-unposted thought.

Once I got over the initial heart burn (masquerading as a heart attack), I experienced a severe bout of prolonged nausea! Even writing about it now makes me sick to my stomach.

After that, I had to go to sleep to escape the discomfort.

Boy, am I glad I did! I can’t believe the spoils I almost posted yesterday!

I finally had to regurgitate the whole mass out to you. Here it is in a giant emesis:

“I thought I was making the broader point rather than the finer point.”

Aren’t you glad I hated it but still procrastinated it?

This is Delilah

Your nighttime smoky-voiced Poem Mistress of the Blogwaves. I know your question: no, I’m not the same Delilah from the famous Pointer Sisters song. Anyway, I realize my Nighttime Demographic switches to a slightly saucier crowd, which is a good thing because so does my mood! 😈

I try to flip some spicy poems your way once the Werewolves emerge into the Inky Opaque.

Sadly, my sauce is decidedly bland tonight. Tomorrow night I’ll send my mind back down into the gutter (it’s well-acquainted with the route), and we should be back into Full-On habañero, kimchi, and Vindaloo in no time! 🌶🌶

It Blogs The Mind: How to Take Shelter During A Downpour

I mean it! Her-iccanes need company.

I am an Appreciator to my Core.
It’s why I make so many useless blog entries, ALL day long:
I’m simply sharing my APPRECIATION for THOUGHTS I consider too delightful and APPRECIATE TOO MUCH to hoard for myself.
And I currently have No One to whom I can turn to casually state them.
So here they go.
Thank you.
Have I thanked you folks recently? Because I couldn’t have weathered this latest storm without you!
You’re a giant, sheltering umbrella, and just one “read receipt” is all I need to feel return-appreciated♥️
You keep me dry when I’m sopping wet.

I Love My Blog❣️

I love having a blog. It let’s me nurse my wounds all day long, stoking them to a constant, rapid, incessant boil as required to spew the necessary venom to fuel all of these damnable breakup poems!

WEDNESDAY WRITING WREFLECTIONS

If you’re advocating I ditch my entire wardrobe in favor of a BRAND NEW WARDROBE, I won’t require much convincing. Shall we charge your credit card?

THE NUANCE OF A GOOD OUTFIT
SHOULD I LEAVE THE HOUSE SOUNDING RIDICULOUS
LOOKING NAIVE IS THE LOOK I SHALL CONCLUDE WITH

SUPPORT SPORTS, WordPlayers

I’ll NEVER understand how changing a period to a comma sends my my posts into the DeepDraftFreeze, only the discover them days later! I wrote this at the end of Mother’s Day for all of you here. I seem to perpetually run late, even if I do my homework in advance and am stockpiling it.

And for putting up with my Presentation Ploys & Plays!

SPINNING SUGAR, CAUSING CARIES

Yes, my words taste very sweet.
But Sugar leads to cavities,
Causing teeth to ache and scream
When you read the Verbal Treats
I’ve written just for You to Eat.

I find myself considering:
Is this burst of Poetry
[Perhaps Poetic Dentistry?]
Cloying heavy-handedly,
Causing pain and overload
From Gifts I write for you to Read?

I’ll stop, but only Temporarily;
I’ll Do MY part, but
Brush YOUR teeth!
[I’m Asking Triple “Pretty Please!”]

(Thanks for the photo, @mullecb)

#toomuchsugaralready #toomuchpoetry

My First Post on My [Short-Lived] Blog, May 2010

11 and a half years ago, I “caught a wild hair” and started this thing called a BLOG while recovering from gallbladder removal surgery at aged 43 (I know – I just keep winning the genetic lottery!) Anyway, my virgin post is linked below. It made me laugh to realize I haven’t really changed that much – except for my new, single-minded dedication to blogging! It was a relief to discover I hadn’t “lost myself” as much as I thought. And to RE-discover I’ve always been a Geek, a Goofbeauxll, a flagrant flouter of conventional grammatical rules, and a serial repeat offender of “Exclampo Abuse!!”

http://deeporshallowthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/05/putting-pancreatitis-to-rest.html

Photo: 2010 (the Goldilocks years)