What Is Love Anyway?

I’ll just let the Great Howard Jones speak for me today…

I love you whether or not you love me
I love you even if you think that I don't
Sometimes I find you doubt my love for you
But I don't mind
Why should I mind?
Why should I mind?


What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?

Can anybody love anyone so much that they will never fear?
Never worry never be sad?
The answer is they cannot love this much nobody can
This is why I don't mind you doubting


What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?

And maybe love is letting people be just what they want to be
The door always must be left unlocked
To love when circumstance may lead someone away from you
And not to spend the time just doubting


What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?
What is love anyway?
Does anybody love anybody anyway?

The Biggest Loser

First and foremost, I’m not looking to marry you, so PLEASE get over yourself.  
All I want is one last torrid, passionate love affair before I die - or at least while I can still enjoy it.

Should we meet, I won’t be auditioning for a role; I will be interviewing you for one.

I don’t really care if you think I’m beautiful. I’ve fought in many wars and have the scars to prove it. I happen to find them beautiful and unique (p.s. why aren’t we talking about your body here?).

I don’t need your help. C’mon, Dude, I’m a two-time breast cancer survivor. Do You honestly think I need your help??

I don’t need your money, I’m fine in that department, thank you very much.

I don’t need a supervisor, but I would enjoy spending time with (one or more) fellow travelers and/or adventurers.

I don’t need your advice, though I know you love to give it. I’m actually far more resourceful than you apparently think.

I’m not looking for Someone To Take Care of Me, thank you very much. I’ve pretty much done that my entire life. Do you honestly think I abandoned my sensibilities when I met you?

I never asked you to tell me I’m “an amazing woman” while breaking up with me by text. I only asked you to tell me over the phone. Was that really such an unreasonable request?

I never asked you to fix me. I only asked you to accept me as I am.
(Oh, and I almost completely forgot about this part and had to add it later)…
We are both broken people: if we haven’t made some horrible choices by this age, then we haven’t lived at all.

I never asked you to love me. I only asked for a temporary oasis; an emotionally safe place where Little Jennifer could occasionally come out and play. Loving her is all that matters to me, because she’s been hurt enough.

Last and most importantly, I NEVER asked you to pity me! I refuse to allow another human being to turn me into a victim again. So you go right ahead and pretend like WE never happened. I’m fulfilled by being alive enough to have made such a bad impression in the first place!

Let’s Change Topics Now and Take a Little Inventory of What I DO Have to Offer:

•I’ve got my own car and my own money.
•I’ve got a bucket list of sexual fantasies I’ve yet to fulfill.
•I’ve got an entire wardrobe of fluffy, frilly, and sexy lingerie.
•I’ve got a scary high IQ
•I have no small children, adolescent children, adult children, or grandchildren.
•I’ve got a dirty mind and
•Too much time on my hands.

So in the End,
Who was the Biggest Loser?

Nursery Rhymes & Fairy Tales

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
And all the kings horses and all the kings men
Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.

We whisper these horrible words into the ears of small children. How hopeless Humpty Dumpty must have felt!

Next project: a brand new set of fairy tales about ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Let’s get poor victimized Cinderella some therapy and a new place to live. Let’s give Rapunzel a key to that wretched tower, a good haircut, and a new job where she’s appreciated. I guarantee one day she’ll know her own strength.

While we’re at it, Prince Charming needs a vacation and some hobbies. He’d probably cry tears of relief just to learn he doesn’t have to be charming all the time (I know I certainly would). And talk about a high-stress job?!?! Not only does he slay dragons all day, he’s on call all night should any of his damsels find themselves in distress. Or need rescuing. Or have a flat tire.

I know that I don’t want to lose our one and only Prince Charming to Adrenal Failure.

Your thoughts?

Come Inside


I want you to knock on my private door.

When I answer, I want you to come inside.

Let me welcome you into my body, my life.

I want you to invite me for dinner.

I want you to eat me alive.

I want you to kiss me and give me a delicious surprise.

I want to embrace all of you.

I want to give you all I have to give.

I want your heart to meet mine in the place that it lives.

2011

SEVEN GAMES TO EXPLORE YOURSELF AND OTHERS

1.CONVINCE ME!

(2-6 Players, Rules Expand with More than 2 Players):

Convince Me! is a debate game which allows one player 5 minutes to convince the other of his or her position towards an issue of frequent debate: if it’s talked about on social media, on television news shows, or at family dinners and cocktail parties, it’s a potential topic for an earnest and heated game of Convince Me! Methods for selecting the specific topics for debate are described in further detail below. However, if you understand half of a nighttime talk-show host’s opening monologue, you are well-equipped. Since Player 1 chooses the initial stance being taken on the first round of Convince Me!, he will choose to go right, left, in the middle, or altogether different in his debate.

After each player completes his or her 5 minute argument (aka: does a Convince Me!), the other player will articulate a 15-30 second summary of their “opponent’s” view: this is merely a brief restatement of the original argument, allowing player 2 to communicate he/she understands the original viewpoint and clear up any misunderstandings. Player 1 approves or corrects the argument if necessary – this is NOT a time to debate the topic further, however. Its sole purpose is clarification and it shouldn’t take longer than 30 seconds. The next step is for Player 2 to articulate a differing view from Player 1’s (his or her opportunity to perform an opposing Convince Me!). It should follow all of the same steps to express, restate, and clarify as the original Convince Me! – and should do it in the same time allowances. At the end, if this is more of a conversation than a game, you can debrief your Convince Me! and how you really think…or just allow the conversation to proceed organically. If this is being played as a game, particularly if there are more than 2 players (but no more than 8), it has to be played as a partial spectator sport: when the two active players are doing a Convince Me!, the remaining players should be actively watching and/or participating in some other way (cheering, encouraging, picking sides, whatever). Then after the 1st

Convince Me!, the table goes to the next player pair. They play their own turn of Convince Me! Choices must be made as to whether extemporaneous pairings are made immediately before play or at the very beginning; whether topics of debate are chosen immediately before play, selected for them by the group or another playing pair, or even chosen arbitrarily from scraps containing topics previously-brainstormed by the group or printed from a standardized list

*There is a difference between the conversational version of Convince Me! and the wildly popular game version. If you are simply playing conversational Convince Me! you can choose to debate the topic of your choice. Some experts even recommend using the Convince Me! framework as a means for resolving marital and relational disputes.

2.FIVE MINUTES

You will receive 5 open-ended questions selected by the other player and will have 30-60 seconds to answer each to the best of your ability within that time frame. Examples include;

1. What’s your favorite musical composer, group or band and why?

2. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the last 5 years and why?

3. Do you like your older daughter’s new husband? Why or why not?

4. What is your son’s most native gifting and do you encourage its expression?

5. Think about a moment in time when you remember saying to yourself: “I am so happy. What were you doing and what was going on around you?

Next, player 2 gets to ask the same 5 questions or a different set of questions. Methods of selecting questions are the same as they are in Convince Me! (selected extemporaneously by the asking player, selected randomly from scraps of previously chosen questions, provided by spectator players, or chosen from a standard list).

3.SELL YOURSELF

You have 30 seconds using real-life examples to state why you’d be the perfect person to fill a position as a ___________ (insert other player’s choice). An example is “Why you’d make an excellent PLUMBER or BAKER or AUTO MECHANIC using real-life experiences. The more challenging and incongruent the better, though you can start easily and work your way up to the harder ones. After player 1 finishes, it switches over to next player, but in any round, he or she is allowed to say “You’re Fired” if you’re not REALLY trying!!

4.EXPLAIN IT TO ME LIKE I’M A GUY (or GIRL):

Here you explain something to a member of the opposite sex the exact way you’d explain it to friend of your same gender. The most interesting explanations come from questions of an interpersonal nature. For example:

1. “Explain your last breakup to me like I was a guy (or a girl, depending).”

2. “Explain the reasons for your divorce.”

3. “How do you feel about your daughter’s boyfriend?”

4. “Describe your dating experience so far.”

Provide the explanation (between 60-120 seconds, unless you opt to relax the time constraints – it’s more exhilarating with the limits; more relaxed without). Switch to the other player and have him/her answer the same question the same way – as if to a good friend of the same sex.

5.EXPLAIN IT TO ME FROM A MAN’S/WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE:

This isn’t explaining the topic TO a member of the same sex; rather it’s explaining it to your date (or friend of the opposite sex) from the perspective of someone of your gender. It’s not a debate, it’s a creative game and there are no right or wrong explanations. You can play it stereotypically (all Andrew Dice Clay-like or Stepford Wife-like) or didactically. It’s one player’s chance to get the opposite sex’s view on topics of interest. Or simply to create a spontaneous, amusing, or even over-the-top farcical explanation from the point of view of a character – like a drama exercise. The choice is yours. Some topics could include (female-generated for men to expound upon):

◦ Why men are interested in the whole “Sugar Baby Concept”

◦ Do men really “get scared” sometimes and need to pull away, or is that just a line? And why?

◦ Why do so many men watch pornography?

◦ What do most men watch when they watch it and then why?

◦ What does it feel like to have lots of testosterone combined with youth (ie, what does it feel like to be a teenage boy?)

(Maximum 3 minutes for each issue).

6.FIVE FAST FREE-FALL:

(15 seconds each)

1. 5 favorite bands

2. 5 favorite songs

3. 5 favorite movies

4. 5 nouns that begin with the letter J

5. 5 verbs that begin with the letter I

6. 5 adjectives that could describe a bike

7. 5 best cities for museums, musical performances, and other forms of artistic expression

8. 5 best cities for a romantic vacation

9. 5 happiest moments (45 seconds for this one)

10. 5 kitchen items and their Spanish equivalent (30 seconds)

11. Last time you felt scared (only 1 answer needed; no time limit)

Extra credit round:

—Last 5 times you were disappointed (45 seconds)

—5 Best Vacations Ever

7.IMAGINE

You start by stating your story situation. This is a good default:

“Imagine you were the King of Texas, like a member of a monarchy. You have jewels and mansions and personal wealth and you can never be removed from the job. You wake at leisure from a beautiful bed and the first thing you do is………….. ‘because you want to’ ……… “ (you have to provide a reason for what you do before handing it to the other player). Then player 2 says:

“Then you ……….. because you want to ………”. It goes back and forth like this until the story runs its course or you can tweak the method of play by setting an arbitrary time limit in which the challenge is to think and answer quickly. Both types of play constitute a fantastical game where together you build an entertaining story. You can play it straight and easy, but it’s actually more fun if you each ‘reach high’ and the player who follows you has to provide answers that actually make (even unrealistic or creative) sense. The goal is to create a story without bounds, being clever but silly in the process. The benefit of this game is that it usually results in laughter – which we all know is good for the soul and contributes to overall “salud.”

I think most of these games are best with 2 players sitting face-to-face, but they can all easily be modified to include up to 6 players.

WHO WRITES THIS KIND OF STUFF?? AN ENFP, I GUESS.

May, 2021

Textpectations & Blocking

I’ve noticed there’s a certain type of divorced, middle-aged man who will block you as soon as you start asking bitchy and extreme questions like:

“Why are you breaking up with me by text?”

“Is something wrong?”

“Why aren’t you replying anymore?”

Are you okay?, and the ever-fatal

“Can you call me so we can discuss it?”

I’m proud to report I’ve been officially “blocked twice.”

Thank you for Loving Me Not

Thank you dear Steven for loving me Not.
For if you had, I might not have met Scott.
You never did meet My Most Precious Self.
To keep her secure, she remained on the shelf.
I made the decision to follow my feelings
And found the conclusions to be quite revealing:
To start you must find a fully grown male,
Who’s brave enough to be Willing To Fail.
Someone who knows just fast Time is fading,
Someone who’s sick of damned Internet Dating!
Without any conflict, I hadn’t a clue
Whatever I did that so “unfulfilled” you.
My only regret’s that I wasted my time
On someone who‘s neither “Christian” nor kind.
So let’s end on Goodbye, but you MUST listen well:
Do take good care but then
GO FUCK YOURSELF!

Spring 2021, Edited October

Rules for a First Date: I actually send this out first

Sometimes seemingly simple questions have oddly complex answers. To answer basic questions, we have to tell more than we are prepared to tell and the listener has to hear more than he or she is prepared to handle (and maybe isn’t trustworthy enough to know in the first place). Everyone should be allowed the dignity of bringing their freest self to a first date: they shouldn’t feel compelled to disclose each and every struggle they have endured since dating was the most natural thing in the world. So for a first date, conversation should be confined to the following:

• Eras: birth through whatever job you were in when you turned 30; This Includes all periods of education (college experiences earn extra points)

• Relationships: birth parents through whoever you were with when you turned 30; can include all dates from the past 6 months; no talk of exes of significance (unless it’s awkward NOT to)

• Hobbies, Past Vacations, Adventures, Live Music Witnessed, Any of Jennifer’s Games, Basic Questions, Strange Family Members Growing Up

• TRY TO AVOID: tragedies, divorces, exes of significance, even children, financial struggles, major “failures” or major achievements, career struggles (just take it to aged 30), health struggles (if you can get to aged 30 with no problems, just take it there or leave them alone), and deaths

All of these topics are important; but we didn’t carry all this baggage into our college relationships because we didn’t really have any back then. I want to have fun with someone and I want to be able to be the most authentic version of myself in the process – because she is the most fun one to be with! I think we confuse being transparent (sharing information) with being authentic (being true to who we were made to be). And on a first date, we shouldn’t have to feel exposed by sharing every secret right away.

June, 2021

The Language of Love

Oh to be known 
And yet loved for my flaws,
Fills me with hope and
Gives me great pause:
To think that these gifts
Come without any "ifs"
Makes your words stick,
Building trust brick by brick,
And truth day by day,
All the while the words you say
Become more real and more sincere
Arousing my trust and ousting my fear.
Creating a fanciful flight of feelings I’ve yet to know,
Could they, just this once, be my very own?
I don't have the words to describe all this new
Emotion and Growth and Questions without clues.
I only know this mystery transcends my go-to speech,
Its translation a language grasped only by us each.
And when I speak in silence, your interpretation is perfect.
But the greatest gift: you find me worthy to protect.
I feel wholly safe in your arms,
Free from danger and free from harm.

In you I’ve found treasure.
And exceptional pleasure.
All beyond measure.
2017

I wonder…

I wonder 
if you're a hairless wonder
or underneath a hairy guy?

I wonder
If I'll blunder
and start to cry?

I wonder
if you will plunder
my depths and make me sigh?

I wonder
about these tiny lines upon your face
will I touch every one
and with my fingers will I trace?

I wonder
about the heart that beats in your chest
Will it pound til dawn
or be calm,
absorbing me with zest?

I wonder
about your lips
will they be wet to the touch
and will you kiss my fingertips?

I wonder
will you taste sweet
when me you greet
in a rest'raunt or cafe?

Will you seem cold
Quiet or bold
When you meet me somewhere halfway?

I wonder
how your shoulders will feel -
Will they carry the weight
That surrounds me?

And I wonder
What your "touch-points"' will do once they've finally found me?

I wonder
what it will feel like
to be wrapped up in your arms
Will you be full of charm,
Or will you warm
My cold heart from it’s frozen place?

Original, 2010

I Felt Alight

I felt alight,
I felt aglow,
When I began to learn and know

The inner You
You chose to share;
I held it with the utmost care.

You opened up
And shared your pain
Underneath the falling rain.

You didn’t lie;
You didn’t hide
The truest You that lives inside.

It proved you brave:
It proved you strong.
And made me feel like I belonged

Inside your space.
Inside that world,
You made me feel all shades of girl.

We told the truth.
We told our tales.
And unlike Bill, we both inhaled.

My stomach growled -
You made me food.
It took a while but it was good!

We played some tunes,
We watched some flicks.
You opened up ‘bout other chicks.

Spilling all
Required real guts.
It helped explain your “ifs” and “buts”:

The things that hurt,
That cause you grief,
The things that make you seek relief.

Sometimes I think
You might shut down
And burn this thing straight to the ground.

I hope I’m wrong,
I hope you see
We have a special chem-i-stry.

I’d like to try
My very best
To learn what burns beneath your chest.

It’s worth a chance
Be free and dance
To give no mind
And leave behind
The awful shame
From years of blame.

I’d toil and sweat and run the race.
I’d even risk my comfort space
To free my truth, long stuck in place
And lie beside you face to face.

May, 2021