EnneagraMeme

Sorry guys, these Memes are just too fun!

I feel I’ve been seen by this book, like:

1. I’ve been stripped of my clothes,
2. My undergarments removed,
3. My skin then flayed, and
4. MY BLOOD DRAINED,
5. My internal organs removed,
6. And bones expertly dis-joined, then
7. Sent to a lab for cleaning, buffing and re-assembly; only to be
8. Packed back up again to
9. Hang in the Smithsonian.

Or maybe I’m just being dramatic?
The Enneagram is beautiful.  It’s like going to the devil to have my palm read.  It’s like the eye-opening LSD trip I’ve never gone on.  It shines a light on everything I always knew but tried to forget.
Other 4/3s:

•Michael Jackson
•Judy Garland
•The Artist [Formerly] Known As Prince
•Blanche Dubois

Why do I feel like I’m living on Borrowed Time?

#enneagram #drewnewkirk

PS. It’s this guy on YouTube who I feel like “sees” me all the way to the Smithsonian…all the better with those big, soulful, WISE (I’m sure!!) eyes of his. Just click and tell me if you don’t feel [emotionally and spiritually] naked.

https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCCyXzyNyD6WSET8gfKorKwg

What the Enneagram has Taught ME About ME

After binging on videos, audiobooks, and other digital media about All Things Enneagram, I’ve come to a few revelations about myself. And all I can say is: THANK GOD FOR MY TRAUMAS!!

Because:

1. I’m so charming and relatable and [was once so incredibly] accomplished

2. That I could easily become narcissistic, shallow and depraved, especially since I also

3. Look to others to provide me with my sense of self-worth, while still feeling like

4. A misunderstood and highly-individualized person, who can get tired of suppressing who I am for millions of years, to the extent that

5. If I become too unhealthy, I could turn into one of the most ruthless, depraved, and sadistic mass murderers the world has ever known.

Yeah, lite read.

So let’s all break out the bubbly that I’ve been so severely traumatized, my flesh and blood flayed and then bathed in acid, leaving only a skeletal husk to commemorate my existence.

The MBTI, DISC, Enneagram, OPT, and All Other Star Signs

My Text to Best Friend from Aged 12-High School, Uber-Qualified Therapist of 30+ Years, Fellow ENFP:

“I’m so thankful you recommended the Enneagram to me! I wrote this post on my blog 5 days ago:

Then I listened to the Enneagram-based Sleeping at Last songs on Spotify, and my reaction to the different “types” or “wings” was:

Atlas ONE: YES!!
Atlas TWO: sweet
Atlas THREE: yes
Atlas FOUR: sure
Atlas FIVE: all right already
Atlas SIX: umm hmmm
Atlas SEVEN: again
Atlas EIGHT: WHO’S BEEN READING MY ANONYMOUS BLOG POSTS AND STEALING MY MATERIAL!!?? I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE COPYRIGHTED IT!!Atlas NINE: who cares? I’m still feeling betrayed about #8!!

I’m also aware this is a relatively new position for me over the last year or so (after 53 years of unremitting Self-Flagellation). However, I can’t remember when I didn’t feel like I never got to have a childhood because I had to be such a Little Adult all the time!

I think it’s why I’m STILL so maddeningly self-critical about seeming puerile and immature NOW… at aged 54!!

Anyway, I damn well hope this didn’t wake you! I just wanted to get it down before I forgot it. You can shrink my head the next time we chat! Oh, and I also just heard that the 8s were the most “mentally unhealthy” of all Enneagram types! This on top of being a bleeding heart ENFP❣️

Oh well, FUCK THEM!! I adapt; I survive; rules change; I adapt again; I keep on surviving – like a cockroach!!
I Love you❣️”

—————————————————

P.S. Turns out I got this whole Enneagram thingy wrong despite my unwavering conviction that I got it right.

Anyway, turns out I’m a 4-3, with a little bit of all 9 numbers. Except for numbers 1 and 8. So much for knowing myself so-much-better after processing all these long-buried feelings on my blog! It appears I am as clueless as always about the goings-on in Jennifurrville (they never tell me a blooming thing!).

P.P.S. I really hate being such a deep, mysterious, complicated, alluring, complex, multi-layered woman with a gorgeous body Engraved by Life who always keeps you on your toes.

It’s a dirty job, filthy actually; but somebody has to do it❣️

Maybe I’m not going crazy after all

In spite of the fact I owe Spotify an apology and in fact am not the devil, I have been contemplating all things insanity and the ways it might manifest in later life. I started searching for an overview of the early warning signs over on YouTube (where I have been getting in fights lately!! Even instigating them!!)

Anyway, since I have A.D.D., I had to stop to get in a few good fights over on the true crime channels. Side note: I usually am the most vociferous judge of the “evil psychopaths” and poor innocent victims in every story. Wouldn’t they just love to know that the snarky bitch who calls herself “Karaoke Konnection” blabs about her own inner evil over in WordPressLand!!??

So again, I got sidetracked. Side note number two: why do I always get sidetracked?

Anyhoo, up pops my feed after my “cyber-altercations.” And I feel the Universe must be trying to get me away from all that Cosmic Aggression. Side note number three: it can get really toxic over there, people! You wouldn’t believe the bitchy people who will pick fights with you! But y’all would have been proud of me: I started protecting myself by refusing to allow anyone to ever draw first blood again. So I’m finally sticking up for myself against those cyber-bullies!

Where was I? Oh yes!! So like I felt The Man or The Force pull me out of that pit of vipers and return me to The Light.

By bringing my vision-distorted eyes to the videos about inner healing and, when I really need an ego boost, the Myers-Briggs and Personality Type videos. And the reason they’re all so personally gratifying is no matter when I take them, I always come out as THE COOLEST TYPE! It doesn’t matter which test it is, it literally is a Test I Cannot Fail, so strong is my charisma!

Yes, it can be a burden having to be so exceptionally charming all the time, but I’ve learned to live with it. As all good ENFP-T, Enneagram 4-3s must!

What can I say that isn’t said below? We are the unicorns of which I write and it’s our planet the rest of you inhabit! We just let you lease our space.

By the way, if y’all get directed over to YouTubeVille, tell ‘em Karaoke Konnection sent you. My people will keep an eye out for you.

Please Come to Austin…

Let me tell y’all a little something about Austin, Texas. It’s sure changed a hell of a lot since I was a young college student between the years of 1984 and 1987.

It is now a big mega-hub for the Lone Star State (who I can criticize because I was born in Austin in 196X (it’s a very high number, rest assured). The reason is because we’re whoring ourselves to bring jobs to the state, and we dangled some pretty shiny baubles to make ELON swoon and bring his crew here. And don’t forget the Venerable Joe Rogan’s “studio” is here. Well, technically about 70 miles North of here -as the crow flies.

Anyway, let’s just say that God reached down and kissed me by letting me live in Austin the three and a half years I did. You can see a photo of me with my former roommate (now a highly respected doctor) in our 3-bedroom house we rented for $600 a month. I’m willing to account for inflation, but what’s happening in Austin is very sad. The people from California moving here got way more money when selling their houses there than they cost in Austin, driving prices to unaffordable levels for the locals. This has had a spillover effect on rental prices as well. My friend Julie has been a colorful regular Austin character for 35 years, having waited tables at virtually every restaurant in that town! Oops, sorry, I forgot it’s not a town anymore.

Well, Julie can no longer pay her rent on the hovel she shares with an abusive man since they just raised it from $900/month to $1400/month. After 8 years of tenancy. But when I write about what’s going on in Austin on LinkedIn, nobody “likes” what I have to say. Side note: LinkedIn isn’t very ENFP-friendly. Things can get pretty artificial over there, so I prefer it over here when I feel like I need to express myself. Thanks again, Readers❣️

Anyway, right wrong or indifferent, I got my stimulus check and immediately booked an Airbnb for the month of July in Austin. I hadn’t really spent any time up there in so many decades, and I needed to get away for a while. You feel me? July 2021…Quarantine…with my elderly parents…need I say more?

So… I boarded my ghetto Maltipoo, Cooper, into my 2007 slothmobile and we headed up to Austin on July 1st, 2021. We got ourselves into some “misadventures” up there in that “supremely cool,” Live Music Capitol of the United States of America.

Now the details aren’t as salacious as my COLLEGE years, but if you want to hear about Austin, you have to tell me. This is SOCIAL media, after all❣️ If ONE PERSON says they want to hear what happened in Austin, I’ll tell you.

Otherwise: what happened in Austin STAYS in Austin.

The “Me” in Meme

I’m going to try to do this like my younger friends on YouTube (is it called a meme?)…

PERSON: “helpful advice

ME: (inside head) DO YOU THINK I DON’T ALREADY KNOW THAT…AS WELL AS EACH AND EVERY ONE OF MY PERSONAL FLAWS?

ME: (outside head) manifested “sensitivity to criticism”

My Introduction on a Discord group about being an ENFP

My name is Jennifer, and I’ve been taking the Myers-Briggs for over 25 years trying to get the correct results- but I kept coming out as an ENFP. I think we are chameleons and that’s why I didn’t believe my results. I’ve dealt with a lot of trauma and chaos in my life, and my enneagram (new to me) says I’m a 4 with a 3 wing. I’m not really sure what that means, but I like Joyce’s YouTube content and that’s why I’m here. I wasn’t able to have children, so I’ve not had that grounding influence in my life that grows up many ENFPs, but I feel like my traumas have more than qualified me as a deep person. I hate to hear ENFPs are shallow because we’re anything but! In fact. I feel like I’m condemned to life in the Deep End, so I only enter the Shallow to catch my breath.

By the way, the attached photo is of bald (thank you, Taxol) 39-year-old Jennifer in one of her “chemo wigs.” She’s trying to laugh and be a good sport about it all, but she’s really hurting inside (and it’s not the port under the skin in her vena cava that hurts).

Sadly, she’s so busy fighting, she’s really out of touch with her feelings. How I wish I could warn her she needs to process these strong emotions, but it wouldn’t do any good. I honestly think she didn’t know the best words to use, so she suffered in silence, even though she was technically married to Jeff at the time. He divorced her soon after, despite a brief reconciliation after her first breast reconstruction surgery, so I think we can go ahead and say his heart wasn’t “in it” at this time. She knew the truth of this all the way down to her bone marrow.

Jeff was always traveling for work and was never around, so Jennifer drove herself to her chemo and radiation appointments. She also drove back home again, alone, arriving at an empty house after each session.

How can you blame her for her failures? Who could survive so much heartache and betrayal – because you know this was just the start – and emerge unscathed? WHO, I want an ANSWER, damnit! WHO???!

I’m so sorry, Jennifer. I know you think you shouldn’t Be Here Today because others you knew and loved are Gone. But that’s NOT your fault! Why won’t you let it go? Why do you keep punishing yourself like this!!?? You MUST stop or you will get sick again. You know how that happens with you. You are alive and THIS is your time❣️ Step in and embrace the joy already!! Relax. Have fun. GET OFF THAT FUCKING CROSS NOW!!

I’m coming to peel you down, pull out those nails, and trust me: it won’t be pretty! I honestly don’t know why you do such stupid things and think such stupid thoughts! You’re like the priest in The Scarlet Letter (you read it in the tenth grade) who self-flagellates. Only crazy, GUILTY people sit around feeling sorry for themselves all day! What in God’s name is WRONG WITH YOU!!??

Welcome to 5 minutes in my Head. I try to be nice to myself, but I literally can’t. Myself punishes Myself too much to be happy, but loves Myself too much to subject Myself to physical pain. So I’m Here Whether It’s Pleasant Or Not. Physical pain is avoided because we’ve already dealt with that, had our share of that. and are done with that. So STAY AWAY, PHYSICAL PAIN!! We’ve got enough of YOU HERE!!

Psychic pain is Jennifer’s ancestor-approved, ancestor-generated specialty, however, so she’s quite adroit at inflicting it upon herself. She’s quite the Unyielding Bitch if we’re not mincing words: Life would be so much better if she LEFT US ALONE!

Unfortunately, that’s not currently possible, so we have to mute her. It’s all we can do if we want to have any fun.

Does anyone have any duct tape?

Self-pity or The Green-Eyed Monster?

I don’t have time to write much today.  I just wanted to ‘fess up that, after my lofty musings of last Friday, I’m now back in the thick of all-too-human emotions.  I found out last night that a friend of mine, who totaled his new and fully loaded SUV while driving drunk, has just bought himself a brand new one.  Meanwhile, my car is sicker than I am.  And she looks more beat up than I do.  I haven’t exactly provided her with regular facials (I don’t wash her very often, and she sits under a sap tree), her sides have some wrinkles from a few years ago (when I opted to keep the insurance money rather than get her the Botox she rightly deserved), and lastly, her face is broken due to a little fender bender I got us into last week.  To add to her and my worries, she’s VERY old (1999; practically a “classic” in today’s world).  But she’s “Old Money” – an Infiniti gal – and her parts are extremely expensive relative to her Blue Blood (Blue Book value).  

But enough about HER. My question is this: Am I wallowing in self-pity or have I been bitten by the green-eyed monster? Am I actually jealous of someone’s new car just 36 hours before I have a scheduled double mastectomy? If so, I need the surgeons to perform an “Attitude Adjustment” while they cut, prod, and do what it is surgeons do. At a minimum, I need to write up a gratitude list of all I’m thankful for…a list which most definitely includes my trusty, dusty, and rusty car. Even if she IS thirsty all the time, and refuses to drink water!

Monday, September 10, 2012 at 12:21pm CST from my original blog

P.S. I have green eyes, so I’m pretty sure both Self-Pity AND the Green-Eyed Monster have regular rooms in my hotel (2021).

Jenniferine

Lupine (wolf-like)
Canine (dog-like)
Feline (cat-like)
Porcine (pig-like)
Ovine (sheep-like)
Taurine (bull-like)
Limacine (slug-like)
Piscine
Elephantine
Equine
Muscine, Murine (mouse-like)
Serpentine
Aquiline (of or like an eagle)
Bovine (cow-like)
Vulpine (foxlike)
Leporine (rabbit- or hare-like)
Cervine (deer-like; moose, elk)
Avine (birdlike, but rare; Avian)
Squalene (like a shark; big fish)
Tigrine (tiger)
Delphine (dolphin-like)
Cameline
Ursine (bear-like)

July 19, 2017; Bolding added 2021

The Biggest Loser

First and foremost, I’m not looking to marry you, so PLEASE get over yourself.  
All I want is one last torrid, passionate love affair before I die - or at least while I can still enjoy it.

Should we meet, I won’t be auditioning for a role; I will be interviewing you for one.

I don’t really care if you think I’m beautiful. I’ve fought in many wars and have the scars to prove it. I happen to find them beautiful and unique (p.s. why aren’t we talking about your body here?).

I don’t need your help. C’mon, Dude, I’m a two-time breast cancer survivor. Do You honestly think I need your help??

I don’t need your money, I’m fine in that department, thank you very much.

I don’t need a supervisor, but I would enjoy spending time with (one or more) fellow travelers and/or adventurers.

I don’t need your advice, though I know you love to give it. I’m actually far more resourceful than you apparently think.

I’m not looking for Someone To Take Care of Me, thank you very much. I’ve pretty much done that my entire life. Do you honestly think I abandoned my sensibilities when I met you?

I never asked you to tell me I’m “an amazing woman” while breaking up with me by text. I only asked you to tell me over the phone. Was that really such an unreasonable request?

I never asked you to fix me. I only asked you to accept me as I am.
(Oh, and I almost completely forgot about this part and had to add it later)…
We are both broken people: if we haven’t made some horrible choices by this age, then we haven’t lived at all.

I never asked you to love me. I only asked for a temporary oasis; an emotionally safe place where Little Jennifer could occasionally come out and play. Loving her is all that matters to me, because she’s been hurt enough.

Last and most importantly, I NEVER asked you to pity me! I refuse to allow another human being to turn me into a victim again. So you go right ahead and pretend like WE never happened. I’m fulfilled by being alive enough to have made such a bad impression in the first place!

Let’s Change Topics Now and Take a Little Inventory of What I DO Have to Offer:

•I’ve got my own car and my own money.
•I’ve got a bucket list of sexual fantasies I’ve yet to fulfill.
•I’ve got an entire wardrobe of fluffy, frilly, and sexy lingerie.
•I’ve got a scary high IQ
•I have no small children, adolescent children, adult children, or grandchildren.
•I’ve got a dirty mind and
•Too much time on my hands.

So in the End,
Who was the Biggest Loser?

It’s hard being an ENFP in an ISTJ world.

Journal, 9/29/21

It’s hard being an ENFP in an ISTJ world.

In fact, I want to start my own planet and fill it with ENFPs (certain other types can always visit). On this planet, we measure time in cycles, stages, and “phases,” rather than in boring old linear order.

We also get to run this planet according to “ENFP Rules:”

No need for dusty legal books filled with obscure laws. Our Rules can be summed up as follows:

Be nice, follow your heart, love deeply, assume the best but prepare for the worst, sing Karaoke, and don’t EVER consider yourself better than anyone else.

Also, you MUST call if you EVER need my help. Of course I can’t promise to be available that far in advance, but I can and do promise I’ll get back to you just as soon as possible.

My Demanding Teenager

June of 2009 through June of 2010 has been a tough year….on my car! Poor thing’s been banged up more than I have and is even older than I am in car years (1 year of human life equates to approximately 2,000 or 3,000 miles, depending).

Her latest “emergency procedure” involved a blowout on the highway (I haven’t had a salon blowout myself in ages!), which somehow necessitated the purchase of … FOUR new tires.

She is my petulant teenager, always getting her way with me and my limited discretionary funds! Seems she’s constantly asking for more and more $$$ for the gas station, facials and massages at the body shop, and LOTS of ongoing maintenance. She likes to be turned on (new battery a few months ago), get regularly inspected by some rather dirty-looking men, and now – expensive shoes for all four feet! And at prices I’d never even consider for my OWN shoes!

Who says I’m not a parent?

2010

SEVEN GAMES TO EXPLORE YOURSELF AND OTHERS

1.CONVINCE ME!

(2-6 Players, Rules Expand with More than 2 Players):

Convince Me! is a debate game which allows one player 5 minutes to convince the other of his or her position towards an issue of frequent debate: if it’s talked about on social media, on television news shows, or at family dinners and cocktail parties, it’s a potential topic for an earnest and heated game of Convince Me! Methods for selecting the specific topics for debate are described in further detail below. However, if you understand half of a nighttime talk-show host’s opening monologue, you are well-equipped. Since Player 1 chooses the initial stance being taken on the first round of Convince Me!, he will choose to go right, left, in the middle, or altogether different in his debate.

After each player completes his or her 5 minute argument (aka: does a Convince Me!), the other player will articulate a 15-30 second summary of their “opponent’s” view: this is merely a brief restatement of the original argument, allowing player 2 to communicate he/she understands the original viewpoint and clear up any misunderstandings. Player 1 approves or corrects the argument if necessary – this is NOT a time to debate the topic further, however. Its sole purpose is clarification and it shouldn’t take longer than 30 seconds. The next step is for Player 2 to articulate a differing view from Player 1’s (his or her opportunity to perform an opposing Convince Me!). It should follow all of the same steps to express, restate, and clarify as the original Convince Me! – and should do it in the same time allowances. At the end, if this is more of a conversation than a game, you can debrief your Convince Me! and how you really think…or just allow the conversation to proceed organically. If this is being played as a game, particularly if there are more than 2 players (but no more than 8), it has to be played as a partial spectator sport: when the two active players are doing a Convince Me!, the remaining players should be actively watching and/or participating in some other way (cheering, encouraging, picking sides, whatever). Then after the 1st

Convince Me!, the table goes to the next player pair. They play their own turn of Convince Me! Choices must be made as to whether extemporaneous pairings are made immediately before play or at the very beginning; whether topics of debate are chosen immediately before play, selected for them by the group or another playing pair, or even chosen arbitrarily from scraps containing topics previously-brainstormed by the group or printed from a standardized list

*There is a difference between the conversational version of Convince Me! and the wildly popular game version. If you are simply playing conversational Convince Me! you can choose to debate the topic of your choice. Some experts even recommend using the Convince Me! framework as a means for resolving marital and relational disputes.

2.FIVE MINUTES

You will receive 5 open-ended questions selected by the other player and will have 30-60 seconds to answer each to the best of your ability within that time frame. Examples include;

1. What’s your favorite musical composer, group or band and why?

2. What’s the best movie you’ve seen in the last 5 years and why?

3. Do you like your older daughter’s new husband? Why or why not?

4. What is your son’s most native gifting and do you encourage its expression?

5. Think about a moment in time when you remember saying to yourself: “I am so happy. What were you doing and what was going on around you?

Next, player 2 gets to ask the same 5 questions or a different set of questions. Methods of selecting questions are the same as they are in Convince Me! (selected extemporaneously by the asking player, selected randomly from scraps of previously chosen questions, provided by spectator players, or chosen from a standard list).

3.SELL YOURSELF

You have 30 seconds using real-life examples to state why you’d be the perfect person to fill a position as a ___________ (insert other player’s choice). An example is “Why you’d make an excellent PLUMBER or BAKER or AUTO MECHANIC using real-life experiences. The more challenging and incongruent the better, though you can start easily and work your way up to the harder ones. After player 1 finishes, it switches over to next player, but in any round, he or she is allowed to say “You’re Fired” if you’re not REALLY trying!!

4.EXPLAIN IT TO ME LIKE I’M A GUY (or GIRL):

Here you explain something to a member of the opposite sex the exact way you’d explain it to friend of your same gender. The most interesting explanations come from questions of an interpersonal nature. For example:

1. “Explain your last breakup to me like I was a guy (or a girl, depending).”

2. “Explain the reasons for your divorce.”

3. “How do you feel about your daughter’s boyfriend?”

4. “Describe your dating experience so far.”

Provide the explanation (between 60-120 seconds, unless you opt to relax the time constraints – it’s more exhilarating with the limits; more relaxed without). Switch to the other player and have him/her answer the same question the same way – as if to a good friend of the same sex.

5.EXPLAIN IT TO ME FROM A MAN’S/WOMAN’S PERSPECTIVE:

This isn’t explaining the topic TO a member of the same sex; rather it’s explaining it to your date (or friend of the opposite sex) from the perspective of someone of your gender. It’s not a debate, it’s a creative game and there are no right or wrong explanations. You can play it stereotypically (all Andrew Dice Clay-like or Stepford Wife-like) or didactically. It’s one player’s chance to get the opposite sex’s view on topics of interest. Or simply to create a spontaneous, amusing, or even over-the-top farcical explanation from the point of view of a character – like a drama exercise. The choice is yours. Some topics could include (female-generated for men to expound upon):

◦ Why men are interested in the whole “Sugar Baby Concept”

◦ Do men really “get scared” sometimes and need to pull away, or is that just a line? And why?

◦ Why do so many men watch pornography?

◦ What do most men watch when they watch it and then why?

◦ What does it feel like to have lots of testosterone combined with youth (ie, what does it feel like to be a teenage boy?)

(Maximum 3 minutes for each issue).

6.FIVE FAST FREE-FALL:

(15 seconds each)

1. 5 favorite bands

2. 5 favorite songs

3. 5 favorite movies

4. 5 nouns that begin with the letter J

5. 5 verbs that begin with the letter I

6. 5 adjectives that could describe a bike

7. 5 best cities for museums, musical performances, and other forms of artistic expression

8. 5 best cities for a romantic vacation

9. 5 happiest moments (45 seconds for this one)

10. 5 kitchen items and their Spanish equivalent (30 seconds)

11. Last time you felt scared (only 1 answer needed; no time limit)

Extra credit round:

—Last 5 times you were disappointed (45 seconds)

—5 Best Vacations Ever

7.IMAGINE

You start by stating your story situation. This is a good default:

“Imagine you were the King of Texas, like a member of a monarchy. You have jewels and mansions and personal wealth and you can never be removed from the job. You wake at leisure from a beautiful bed and the first thing you do is………….. ‘because you want to’ ……… “ (you have to provide a reason for what you do before handing it to the other player). Then player 2 says:

“Then you ……….. because you want to ………”. It goes back and forth like this until the story runs its course or you can tweak the method of play by setting an arbitrary time limit in which the challenge is to think and answer quickly. Both types of play constitute a fantastical game where together you build an entertaining story. You can play it straight and easy, but it’s actually more fun if you each ‘reach high’ and the player who follows you has to provide answers that actually make (even unrealistic or creative) sense. The goal is to create a story without bounds, being clever but silly in the process. The benefit of this game is that it usually results in laughter – which we all know is good for the soul and contributes to overall “salud.”

I think most of these games are best with 2 players sitting face-to-face, but they can all easily be modified to include up to 6 players.

WHO WRITES THIS KIND OF STUFF?? AN ENFP, I GUESS.

May, 2021