LIKE TAKING CANDY FROM A BABY

Writing poems is easy.
You start with an IQ,
You think a thought or two,
Then, once struck by Luck,
(The waiting is the worst part)
You capture one before it actually exits.
Now I know that part sounds easy,
But it’s just the starting point;
And think how often you change your mind!

So you take these few mundane thoughts,
And your brain must be damaged
“Just Precisely So”
You only CAN think mundane thoughts,
But you CAN phrase them in an
I’ll be damned! fairly clever way!

Meanwhile, you must skillfully and simultaneously juggle
At least FOUR of the following literary devices:
•Metaphor (he’s the lead character in Poetry)
•Simile (vice-president)
•Idioms
•Wordplay (a personal favorite)
•Sarcasm (a LIFE favorite)
•Irony (my life’s Reality)
•Parody (often confused with Reality)
•Alliteration
•Intentional Factual Inaccuracy
•Selective Capitalization
•Cliche (Avoid! Same shit, same way!)
•Allegory
•Dystopian Future, and
•Sentimental Memory (must be clouded by distorted past events).

But we’re just warming up!

Once you’ve translated your original two thoughts
Into a poem, using the skills listed above,
You must dip the poem in a
Rich coating of Hyperbole,
Fourteen times,
Backwards AND Forwards,
As well as “sprinkled lightly with”
And “threaded throughout.”

If any of this makes sense to you,
And equally-skilled are you,
Or even NOT,
(One can make virtually ANYTHING sound poetic),
Then you, too, can write poems and
A Poet Laureate are You!