Let me be the FIRST to admit:

It is indeed the case

And known to be apparent

AS WELL AS self-evident

That:

All of the

horrible-awful-wretched-disgusting

Things

YOU heard

about ME

are indeed

In fact

100% true.

AND

100% false.

At a bare minimum!

And we couldn’t agree more!!

That I’m both fully guilty.

And wholly innocent.

As charged

On all counts!!

Your Honor.

But you see:

I’m what’s called a “work in progress,”

Which is a fancy way of saying “human.”

So we’re gonna keep on keeping on

horrible-awful-wretched-disgusting

Till the day is LONG

Over here on Patch Jennifer

Today.

Okay?