NEED TO LET SKIN IN

My relationships are ill-equipped
And lacking all the “musts”.
I can’t find someone I trust,
Someone who stokes my lust
And makes me just combust.
Instead, I’m often led
Straight to bed
And nowhere else,
Turning my gleams
Of love it seems
To old and dusty rust.

I used to find lots of friends
And lots of guys
Who liked to be by my side,
But now I find
I’m alone all the time,
Living a wasted life,
Drained of spice
And all that’s nice.
How I long for a respite
From my drought of delight!

The problem is
I cause this shit
Since I can’t get
Happy in the company
Of almost everybody
And absolutely anybody
Who once moved or soothed me.
So I am the guilty one
Who’s avoided and undone
Connections I once loved,
Treating them like dung.

Why am I do dumb?
It’s not like I am young,
And my support is now so pared,
Yet no one has been spared
Of my ruthless editing
And self-discrediting
Of all the connections
I once treated like confections,
Yet I am the Defector,
Not the Builder or Erector.

I’m content to eject
Even those who’ve even shown
Me some true respect.
I don’t know what is wrong,
I just can’t sing along
To the same tired songs
I’ve heard for far too long.

I need a new script,
I’m tired of the same old shit,
Rehearsing my traumas
And the resulting dramas.
I need some new topics,
I’m getting myopic.
I must open my eyes
And see some new sights;
Open my ears, so full of tears
To hear something new
For the first time in years.