Not that anyone cares

This is “It” and I at our absolutely most annoying, irritating, and obnoxious. And our most intoxicated (to the point of forgetting we were recording at multiple times during the evening).

Yeah, I wouldn’t introduce me to your kids, either! I’m a terrible influence on everyone around me. And It is just as bad – if not WORSE‼️

Only if you like eavesdropping on two people who can’t keep their mouths shut for more than ten seconds could you even potentially find this video entertaining…

P.S. It [the video] has a false finish, like all of my favorite karaoke songs. This one’s not over until we’re finally “parched.”

PROOF‼️

How I Like to be KISSed

You don’t have to be cool to be my boy,
You don’t have to be dumb to be my toy.
Ain’t no particular sign I’m more compatible with
I just want your extra time in your kiss.
You don't have to be rich to be my guy
You don't have to be tall to hang my sky*
(light my sky?)*
(night my sky?)
(bright my sky?)
(bright my night?)
(make me sigh?)*
(fly me high?)*
(fly my sky?)*
(lift me high?)*
(lots that end in “thighs,” but I'm shooting for romantic here...)
(is “star my sky” too much?)

*my personal favorites

This is serious business, friends❣️ I’m preparing for my next Karaoke performance!! I’m looking for perfection, so please weigh in❣️ I’ll show you the proof, so if the words aren’t right, it’s not all on me.

P.S. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. For each and every one of you who’s ever read a single one of my posts, this year my greatest and most gratifying gift is YOU❣️

Heart-Dead

I’d rather feel everything — joy, happiness, fear, sadness, grief — too intensely than feel nothing at all.

We use the term “brain-dead” with relative ease, but few talk of being “heart-dead.” In my dictionary, heart dead is synonymous for emotionally flat; an inability to feel.

While I realize it might be easier for others to live that way:

For me, emotional numbness is a grasping, ferociously tentacled black hole of Nothingness, threatening the perfect equilibrium I’ve cultivated within the galaxy of My Heart.

Feel much?

Good for you.

I prefer my heart beating, too. ❤️

—————————————————-

[Photo @coolmilo. Thanks!)

#definition #emotionsmatter #feel #aliveness

WORD ALERT MALFUNCTION‼️

Apparently I’m as “out of touch” as ever!

My friend Robi told me I had been using the term “Millennial” incorrectly all this time.

I thought it meant “people born after the Millenium,” aka: anyone 21 and under.

Though Robi couldn’t tell me what a Millennial actually is (”older” was his one-word explanation), could you save me the effort of having to go back and swap out “Millenials” for “teenagers” and just retrofit all of my comments about them in your brains?

And could someone do me a solid and let me know what people born after 2000 are called?

I make a big enough ass out of myself without “Semantics issues” increasing my public humiliation.

Thank you in advance❣️

[Thank you Sigmund for the use of your photograph].❤️

The Recipe for Disaster

You start with a perfectly decent heart and a perfectly decent mind and a perfectly decent body

And then…

your perfectly decent heart

and your perfectly decent mind

and your perfectly decent body

all

‼️BREAK‼️

Over…

And Over…

And Over…

Again.

And you wonder why I don’t take things seriously anymore?

Dear Prince Charming

I have a question for you:

WHY DID YOU:

1. Feel compelled to

2. So that you could

3. In order to

4. While simultaneously

5. And refusing to compromise about

6. Only to THEN

7. And STILL insist you “had no choice but to”?

NO, DON’T ANSWER. It’ll probably just piss me off. Why?

1. I happen to think you’re a smug

2. Self-satisfied

3. [Yet] ultimately unsatisfying

4. Judgmental

5. Prick

6. Because

7. You are.

Thank you, Afif Khasuna, for the pboto.

My First Post on My [Short-Lived] Blog, May 2010

11 and a half years ago, I “caught a wild hair” and started this thing called a BLOG while recovering from gallbladder removal surgery at aged 43 (I know – I just keep winning the genetic lottery!) Anyway, my virgin post is linked below. It made me laugh to realize I haven’t really changed that much – except for my new, single-minded dedication to blogging! It was a relief to discover I hadn’t “lost myself” as much as I thought. And to RE-discover I’ve always been a Geek, a Goofbeauxll, a flagrant flouter of conventional grammatical rules, and a serial repeat offender of “Exclampo Abuse!!”

http://deeporshallowthoughts.blogspot.com/2010/05/putting-pancreatitis-to-rest.html

Photo: 2010 (the Goldilocks years)

Artists

Animator

Ballerina[o]

Creator

Designer

Expressionist

Filmmaker

Gigolo

Hobbyist

Intensifier

Journalist

Karaoke Performer

Lyricist

Maestro

Newspaperperson

Oracle

Pianist

Quotation Marker

Reader

Singer

Teacher

Ukelele Player

Venn Diagram Specialist

Wordsmith

X-Ray Artist

Yodler

Zeitgeist

Writers

Anthologist

Blogger

Columnist

Diarist

Editor

Freelancer

Ghostwriter

Humorist

Imaginist

Journalist

Karacter Killer

Librarian

Mythologist

Novelist

Observer

Poetess

Questioner

Raconteur

Storyteller

Typist

Underminer

Vocabularist

Webspinner

Xeroxer

Young Adulter

Zelda

“This is My Story and I’m Sticking to It”

by Just Jennifer

I grew up a conflicted people-pleaser, swapped back and forth between parents. I learned that the only way to be “seen” was to be “good” – because my older sister had already taken the role of “bad” and got yelled at for it. I’ve always been highly adaptable like that. I learned that the best way to feel the kind of love that felt good I probably needed to get good grades or say something clever first.

I was treated like a princess with my mom during her rare inter-husband periods and dismissed as too-sensitive by my much-more-financially-comfortable father. There were multiple marriages on both sides with lots of joinings and new family members and disjoining of families and family members. At a very minimum, I’d describe my childhood with one word: Goodbye.

You understand that the earlier this happens, the greater the psychological impact, right? The process began to me when I was 18 months old.

In my life, I’ve been the Heroine, the Victim, the Golden Girl, the Failure, the Loser, the Tragic Figure, the Cautionary Tale, as well as both Goldilocks and Cinderella.

This once “one in a million” girl has finally dropped down to a “one in one” girl, because I’m happy to just be myself. For the very first time in my whole entire life.

I’m actually happy to be:

Just Jennifer.

The Girlfriends’ Guide to Healing a Broken Heart

If you’re dealing with a broken heart, I suggest this mini-manual (monograph, really). It is broken into several sections.

I. SUGGESTIONS:

1. Cry a bunch of sloppy wet tears. Make sure to put Kleenex on your Amazon Subscribe & Save list. You’ll need them. And you might want to buy some extra mascara or false eyelashes; just in case your current supply gives out.

2. Listen to a bunch of Toni Braxton songs (loop “He Wasn’t Man Enough For Me”; it’ll make you feel better). At least it did me. I listened to it over and over again, along with lots of what my younger friends call “Emo” music, or something like that. No one’s ever been able to explain the actual time period that defines it, so I’m just going off my own personal understanding of “Emo Music” here. I think its Poster Child is Alanis Morisette. So that would be what, the ‘90s? Okay, enough about her.

3. Tell at least one person the whole ugly story, soup to nuts. You have to get that shame out of you, sister! It helps if you have a “help-you-bury-the-body-and-give you-an-alibi” friend like my friend Gina. Who I met on Bumble Friends of all places! Can you even believe that? I find these kinds of conversations often require a solid stomach with some greasy Mexican food and frozen margaritas coating it. That’s your stomach and the conversation: they’re both better with margaritas. Unless you have too many, and then you’ll have a hard time with tequila, and you definitely don’t need an adverse relationship with tequila if you’ve got a broken heart.

4. Try to go out with your oldest and dearest friends, but you might want to make some new ones, too. I’m just saying that “Sometimes new friends ask really good new questions.” And can provide a whole new outlook on you and your “situation.” They can also gently force you out of your comfort zone in brand new, buttery soft kid gloves. The kind that never ever go on sale at Macy’s. They just don’t, and neither does the crystal or china. I can understand why with the china because people are always getting married, but surely there’s an off season for gloves in San Antonio, Texas?!

5. Also, try to do something you haven’t done in a really long time. The activity should be something you used to do easily as a child or adolescent. This is to help you avoid too much over-thinking. And you know how easily we can do that when somebody dumps us! I personally have a tendency to sit around and obsess about what I did wrong, but I’m sure as shit getting sick of that song and dance (and you know how I love the combination of song and dance). Especially since I have been getting therapy every single week for the last two years, so I don’t think it’s all about me. But whatever. You can’t fix everybody. Okay, so we were trying to get you to stop overthinking by avoiding activities which require overthinking in the first place. It’s got to be something you can lose yourself in on a visceral level. Like riding a bike, going swimming, miming if that’s your thing and you’ve been doing it long enough that you can honestly say you’re on autopilot when you’re miming and NOT over-thinking it. In fact, shoot for an activity which requires no analytical thinking whatsoever. For me, this state is achieved through immersion in music; music I have loved forever as well as new [to me] music. And a teeny tiny little bit of marijuana in moderation, but I really do have PTSD, okay? So let’s go ahead and stay away from that topic: I’m most certainly not advocating lawlessness here! But Girlfriend, there isn’t a Heartbreak Alive without a soundtrack! And if yours doesn’t have one, you need to get one yesterday, so go ahead and sign up for Spotify now. Trust me: you’re going to need it. It’s only $10.81 per month and you can cancel at any time. You’ll also need a decent pair of earbuds if music is also going to be your “visceral thing” (a good soundtrack is a fluid concept, so you’ll need to be listening to it practically 24/7). Just remember to take the earbuds out before you shower or go to sleep, as I had two ENT appointments in as many months because those plastic ear cover thingies came off and got stuck deep down in my ear canal. Yikes! The same ear both times, because I always sleep on my left side. Isn’t that so gross? Not to mention it felt like the guy was poking an icepick into my ear both times to fish them back out. Not to mention, I even had to take antibiotics, I shit you not! But if YOU are willing to be responsible with your earbuds, you won’t need to spend more than $35.99 [in my humble opinion, okay, and this is just my opinion!] for a decent and relatively durable pair. Especially if you’re an Amazon Prime Member ($10.99/month). Plus, if you add an Audible membership ($16.99/month), the earbuds practically pay for themselves. Except for the fact the analogy doesn’t work because you’re getting nothing back, but Amazon ($0) always offers rebates and sales on earbuds, so that’s where I recommend you start. And REMEMBER: these are merely investments towards your recovery, so garbage-in/garbage-out❣️ Or is that FIFO vs. LIFO? I can never remember the difference.

6. Okay, we’re upping the ante and hitting our crescendo now, so buckle in, girls. Do one thing – just one tiny little thing – that you’ve never ever done before. Just to say you did. And to see what happens. For me it was Actually Going To A Bar By Myself. I’m 54 years old (I know I don’t look it), and I literally had to talk myself into it 4 times [out loud, that’s why I said “literally”] in my car before I was able to Walk. Through. That. Front. Door. I had to psych myself up for it like the worst session of arachnophobia de-sensitization training ever! But what’s really important is that I did it❣️ And guess which bar I chose for This Little Experiment? I chose the karaoke bar down the street. I chose it because it was [like I said] down the street, next to the sushi place I always go to (literally always because I’ve been there 25 times in 2 months), and the parking was and is extensive and “up close” (think 7-11 vs. Kroger). Which is important if you’ve shellacked your hair and makeup in preparation for your Terrifying New Adventure and you live in San Antonio (aka “Little Hades”), Texas. The windows were blacked out so I googled it first to make sure it wasn’t a “gentleman’s club” for my first-ever “Looking for Mr. Goodbar” experience. Yes, some people and a throuple-in-waiting gave off a weird vibe, but the female bartender made sure nobody slipped roofies into my drink. And the miracle of the whole night is that I had such a wonderful time! I got up for my virgin karaoke performance on my virgin “night to a bar by myself” and belted out, in my terrible voice, Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap by AC/DC. I found my muse in Karaoke and She is Me! A fellow female patron videotaped my performance, and I can tell you that empirically and undeniably, it is SOLID! Nothing like what I’m capable of now, but it was A Night of Two Firsts, so I couldn’t be prouder. Not to mention, I looked totally hot (or at least that’s what a grubby looking guy at the bar said).

<<put your finger to your tongue, get it slightly (just slightly!) wet, put it back up in the air, and make a sizzling sound; yes, that gesture>>.

7. Take solace in familiar comforts which have soothed your abrasions in the past (because those comfortable things are indeed comforting), but also:

8. Make the decision to spice up your heartbreak this go around. Be willing to switch things up a little bit. At the very least, be willing to just do one or two things differently. C’mon, let’s say it together: We can and will heal our hearts better/quicker/deeper this time❣️

II. PRESCRIPTION:

If I were your Official Love Doctor (that’s an OLD, so you know I’m highly qualified), I’d write you a prescription for “Karaoke On an Off-Night”. Which is the perfect time to practice for an “On-Night.” And look: what started out as a new Guilty Pleasure for me has now turned into my very own YouTube channel called Karaoke Konnection with 15 captivate-ated subscribers to prove it! I like to go to MY “local karaoke place” as often as I’m able (anywhere from 0 to 2 nights per week) to video-capture both talented and artistic local Karaoke performances. I don’t know what differentiates the two, only that no one would mistake my karaoke performances for either one. But the Big Picture here is that now I’m starting to envision myself as the Restaurant Critic of the Karaoke Industry: the one who’s known for spotting the hidden gems. Kind of like social media’s version of American Idol. With me hosting❣️ My mission will be: To travel the world in search of the Best Karaoke Performances. I’m fully aware there’s a decent chance I’ll get picked up by the networks, but I know it probably isn’t likely. As in 100% guaranteed. But at the very least, I have a good reason to go to ALL karaoke bars by myself now❣️ And I make sure someone videotapes me when I get up there to conduct my performances. Then, as the channel’s Founder and Visionary, I get to bury my videos among the videos of the truly talented and artistic. Don’t let anybody tell you the company you keep isn’t important! At the end of the day, my last heartbreak just might be responsible for revolutionizing Global Popular Music. It’s an indisputable win for humanity❣️ And that makes me feel personally fulfilled in a whole new way. I know it can happen to you as well. Dreams really can come true at any age. ❤️

III. Q & A:

Question:  You don’t think you ever stand up and sing in front of a room full of strangers.
Answer: “Where better to find out?”
Question:  You’re worried you’ll make an complete and utter ass out of yourself.
Answer: “Where better to find out?”

IV. PARTING WORDS:

No one will care [too much] if your voice is horrible when you go out and do this New-Old Thing. Mine certainly is! In fact, I have objective proof that one Karaoke Jockey [referred to as a “K.J.” by those of us in the Biz] in particular always turns off the mic when it’s my turn to sing. And I don’t blame him! He’s working for tips, after all. And for me: it’s all about the “dancing and prancing in front of a crowd” [gerund] for me, anyway.

But regarding YOUR Passion Process To Be: continuing with our Karaoke metaphor (you didn’t realize it had become a metaphor yet because it hadn’t before now), don’t forget that you’re PAYing to PLAY the rock star in this fantasy, so why not maximize your investment?

Oh, wait, I do have one final piece of advice for you before you all head out to your local Karaoke bars tonight, all alone and by yourself: Don’t try to sing any of The Dark Child’s songs yourself because then you just will be making a total ass out of myself. I’d suggest avoiding songs by Beyoncé as well. Let’s start with the low-hanging fruit, shall we?

#DarkChild #LoveMeSomeToniBraxton #HeartsHeal #BabySteps #Don’tJudgeABookByIt’sCover #MoreStallsInWomens’Bathrooms! #MissSmartyHearts #MissLonelyPants #KaraokeKonnection

Tighten Up Your Game, Scammers!

Hello, Beloved Scammers in Scamville❣️

I’m starting to get a little worried about you. For one thing, one of you let drop you were “mirroring” me. Which I really appreciate since my father never did it, but all the same, I think deliberate deception and the loving desire to build another’s self-esteem are mutually exclusive intentions. And intentions still matter for most people, though I know you’re not conflicted by your own. No, you’re fully UNtroubled but the annoying, restraining influences of the superego.

Besides, only mental health professionals, mental health clients, and career manipulators know what mirroring is.

And you’re losing some other things in translation. Exhibit A: the ‘Asian guy from Austin’ who claimed to be “looking for other private hippies.” It just didn’t sound right, guys. I knew in my bones he was fake when he linked me the fake website for the fake university (in Austin, no less, where I myself when to school) where he’s a fake professor. You guys must’ve blown a wad on that debacle!

I imagine my reply to Your Bohemian Professor Imaginary confused you and made it difficult to “mirror” a response:

I kind of like the term “private hippies” and feel like it resonates with me. But from a linguistic perspective, I can’t tell if “private” means “mental” – as in having a “hippie” mindset. Or if hidden means “secret” – as in it exists in a tiny little rebellious corner of the hippy’s psyche???? If you can discern the difference and elucidate a cogent reply, I’ll be more comfortable you aren’t one of the scammers who have added so much chum to Internet waters lately. And if you can’t, I’ll make sure your whole operation implodes or succumbs to entropy, whichever is most appealing at the time.

Photo credit: Alessio Zaccaria

Simply Because I’m Weird

The Practice of Medicine 
A Medical Practice
Medical Malpractice
Practically Medicine
Vitamins



A Structured Hierarchy
Hierarchical Structure
Organization Charts
List of Chores
Boring


Animal Magnetism
Animus Magnus
Magnanimity
Magnum
Fizzy

EnneagraMeme

Sorry guys, these Memes are just too fun!

I feel I’ve been seen by this book, like:

1. I’ve been stripped of my clothes,
2. My undergarments removed,
3. My skin then flayed, and
4. MY BLOOD DRAINED,
5. My internal organs removed,
6. And bones expertly dis-joined, then
7. Sent to a lab for cleaning, buffing and re-assembly; only to be
8. Packed back up again to
9. Hang in the Smithsonian.

Or maybe I’m just being dramatic?
The Enneagram is beautiful.  It’s like going to the devil to have my palm read.  It’s like the eye-opening LSD trip I’ve never gone on.  It shines a light on everything I always knew but tried to forget.
Other 4/3s:

•Michael Jackson
•Judy Garland
•The Artist [Formerly] Known As Prince
•Blanche Dubois

Why do I feel like I’m living on Borrowed Time?

#enneagram #drewnewkirk

PS. It’s this guy on YouTube who I feel like “sees” me all the way to the Smithsonian…all the better with those big, soulful, WISE (I’m sure!!) eyes of his. Just click and tell me if you don’t feel [emotionally and spiritually] naked.

https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCCyXzyNyD6WSET8gfKorKwg

Man’s Description of The Divine & the Verbal Ubiquity of “Literally”

Man saying he’ll only believe in a Supreme, All-Powerful Force once he has human-approved, scientifically robust evidence of His Divine existence is like a slug defending his critical analysis of Shakespeare’s views on immortality using slug trails only. It’s absurd on so many levels, I hope they don’t require written elaboration.

The above is a SIMILE

As a slug defends his critical analysis of Shakespeare’s views on immortality using slug trails, so man shakes his fist at the Cosmos and demands human-approved, human-defined evidence of a Supreme Divinity in order to believe in its existence.

The above is still a SIMILE

The Man who demands evidence of the Divine in small, digestible terms he can understand is a slug convinced he can describe Shakespeare’s views on immortality using slug trails.

The above is a METAPHOR

A man who literally demands evidence that God literally exists is like a slug literally thinking it can imagine conceptual themes in literature, like Shakespeare’s views on immortality and then literally describing them using slug trails alone. Like…literally.

I don’t know what the above statement is an example of other than how we leech every ounce of meaning from a word once it goes “viral.” I took a test in high school that asked the following question: “What is the opposite of literal language?” The answer was “metaphorical language.” I am not arguing the Strunk & White correctness of what we learned. I AM bemoaning the fact I can’t make it through a 24-hour-period without hearing the word “literally” proceed forth from at least 8 separate sets of human lips.

And that just bugs me in an intolerant way I neither like nor understand. Even though I realize it’s like any other go-to, overused term that Society at Large latches onto, only to discard 20 years later from Our Collective English Lexicon..

So, please forgive me, Millennials, Genexers, and All Other Souls from Every Living Generation:

It’s not as if I don’t have more far important things to worry about than the words that trickle out of your mouths. All day, every day, 25 hours OF that day.

I warned y’all “Black & White Thinking” Jennifer can get really bitchy and opinionated when it comes to All Things Trivial and Inconsequential. And literally All Things Significant.

But damn! Could you maybe just start THINKING about how you use this word?

Because it’s literally starting to affect my blood pressure. Honestly. Like, literally. I shit you not. Literally [but not “literally”].

#grammatocrats, #etymology, #lexicology, #morphology, #semantics

Lavish & Ravish Me (2019)

Pour out your heart and with it do lavish
Your love onto me, and my body please ravish.

The strength of your presence, it beckons me close;
Banishing fear that leaves me exposed.

Yet with you my exposure is no cause for shame:
I feel full of beauty when you breathe my name.

The confidence you engender calls out to my heart,
And tells me it’s fine that I don’t want to part.

Instead, what I want is to grow a great union
Of mind, soul, and spirit in True Cosmic Fusion.

No longer searching for places to hide,
As all that I am warms to beckon you inside.

Again and Again and Again. Forever.