Being able to cry, laugh, get mad when necessary [but not too long], feel nervous, feel excited… in the moment (not rehearsing past crap I haven’t dealt with – because it’s been dealt with and is being dealt with) – basically to FEEL at all.
That + Karaoke + Freedom +The Ability to Laugh at Myself = Happiness (for me). For now. Everything is always subject to change, and I don’t know what [imagined] happiness looks like 3 months from now. I can only say, in this moment, I am happy and excited about my future. Something has shifted, and change is afoot. I believe we have seasons of action and seasons of re-gathering our strength. I have been re-gathering my strength for while now. I know the tide is turning because Hope has returned to me (cautiously and non-committally, but returned she did; I literally cried when I saw her!). All this drama and “new”, in the absence of a romantic interest; frankly, it surprises even me! But I have become so strong, so it’s unavoidable now. In other words: for the first time in what feels like an extended “fallow period,” I am ready to grow some crops!
I can imagine a future of open doors, new adventures, wonderful conversations, and moments of joy unspeakable. All in my future. Just for me and only for me. Only because my spirit and I never gave up, though we wanted to plenty of times. Probably more than plenty. But we never gave up and it’s our time to shine❣️
Your presence here today is equally miraculous. When you add the incredible odds of conception (which are miraculous to begin with) to all you’ve overcome and avoided but never knew it… the odds that someone with your exact DNA would have lived the exact life you’ve lived to be here today, well, I apologize: but that’s awe-inspiring to me.
And today, I am so grateful that my path has put me on one that intersects with yours.
P.S. I guess this is my “annual holiday letter”; I never wrote them myself, but there’s a first time for everything❣️
P.P.S. I aware I’m preening in the photo, but I like it anyway.